morning sunshines :)

Ive been up since like 5 in the morning
MORNING SAYAAANG :)
my baby rama isn't ever awake at this hour, so i just thought I'd give my love out for him here

Im definitely excited for today. My cousins coming over today, and im heading to see my doctor FOR THE PAST 2 MONTHS I have not been in her office, hahaha
And maybe go to this garage sale with my cousin up near my school
I NEED NEW BIKINIS :(

So today im looking for tofel preparation places, kinda excited for the next step TO NYC DAWWWWG :D
hmmm, I think im gonna miss a bunch of my friends. and then a couple of MAD ASS GOOD FOOD, and absolutely gret hangout places
But dont worry ya'll when I get to LA I wont forget you guys! come to my concerts yaaa
Im also getting my mental ready for the cruel things that are coming my way later in uni.. which yes im not ready yet. BUT OVERALL EXCITED!

bangbang shoutout to my homeboy

ARDAN
this is written in green because of the so many frogs he killed in his life :)

circumstances

hehehhe, yaaaay! gw jadian ama rama, And thankfully imuh doesn't seem to have a problem with him
Im absolutely delighted with his presence around me. He has been making me a happy person with all his preciousness and kindness

Time is of the essence. And unfortunately im running out of those
decisions are like stepping stones. To reach a point in life where you are felt most suitable.
Since I was a tiny toddler I never really understood the meaning of belonging.
I was never at place more then 6 years, and situations including morals, change
Dont get me wrong, there are a lot of positivity that comes out of all of that
But its that small part that until this day, I have not quite grasped the meaning

Im almost 17 years old now, 2 weeks and 2 days 12 hours remaning
And I still dont understand.
Situations after situations builds my characteristics. well enough to know that I finally CAN FEEL the feeling of belonging
But that doesn't stop the rain from coming.

I <3 NY, I really do.
I wanna go back, who doesnt?! but I dont want to lose everything I have put up since i have been here
Studies is my main priority and I want and need the best
I think deciding to pursue my studies back in the states is an amazing, challenging and mind-bobbling idea.
But I dont think thats what i need right now
But yet again, what am I to decide what the future has in store for me?
I cant bare to say goodbye to everything I have gained and earned, but I cant wait for the welcoming of a new era.

Maturing and adult thinking encourages me to be more and more diligent
I have to be more diligent and careful with the sacrifices that are layed

ughhhhh, i hate deciding

think before action

Im in a very lost and confused state right now, and my friend recommended me to this guy who clearly has 6 sense's
And what he said clearly made sense

I NEVER INTEND for it to happen, And i clearly don't need all the drama and tension that must be taken for a relationship, but of my foolish self, it just happens
Im stuck between 2 people
And another guy that says he loves me but sleeps with more then 5 girls behind my back
lets says, A B and C.
C, well me and him ARE SO CALLED IN A RELATIONSHIP and its almost 8months. No one ever said the words break up, but we have boundaries when we need em.
A, this guy. His unopen, and i cant deal with that. With me, its either you catch me now. OR NEVER. And i guess this guys git isnt enough to float with my boat. Yoga was right, as he is, I DONT KNOW THIS A GUY LUAR DAN DALEM. ngapan gw suka ama orang yang belum tentu suka sama gw!?
B has deff been the sweetest of them all. First time we met and dia uda kerumah gw :)
Dia uda ngungkapn rasa sayang dia ke gw, dan uda siap untuk ngjaga gw luar dan dalem. Tapi kenapa ya gw nga bisa ngrasa senyaman gw kalo gw bersama A dan C?
Yoga also told me that i need time to chill, relax and pick whats best for me. Cause at the end of the day, all that matters would be me.

Im confused..

AND i have decided..

rain rain rain

The rain for me has always been the time where i let all my thoughts wash away, just like the rain
Well I decided to do something different this time, I've decided to share it with you :)

Im going through a point in life where I feel like I need to take a rest from all this insanity and try something new, do EVERYTHING NEW
I don't necessary understand myself when im saying this, but I do know this.
I done with mistakes, Im done with issues. Im done with this.
I wanna live in peace, but every time I take that leap of faith I get 5 steps back to torture.

When I first told myself, too cool down from any crazy dumbness and to re-evaluate, I never thought that I would understand and sync myself this far
I know what I WANT, what I NEED, what I LOVE, what IM WILLING TO HOLD
Im pretty independent and proud of what I found, but im not happy with he result of the hidden, the reality
Im ashamed of the mistakes, crucible by the truth
Its very unsatisfying to know that all your effort and strength were all part of a big play that didn't show

I think all this jibberesh is the sum of all the frustration stuck and crumbled in my mind
Exams are coming, AND COMING FAST :( and im extremely scared of whats gonna pop out of those papers!
What if i dont get in? what if what i pick for myself isn't that thing for me?!
IS ANYONE ELSE GOING THROUGH THIS :/

Know when you break up with someone and your committed on not going out with any guy cause guys are all the same and you kinda need a break from all the bullshit for a second and breath all the air around you? UGHHHH!! why do guys come to me like dogs trying to get food when im interested in someone, that i dont end up getting and then when I do go out with that person everyone hates em -.- this is becoming a veeeeeeeery tiring game.

can YOU THE PERSON I LIKE RIGHT NOW, JUST COME AND SWEEP ME OFF MY FEET?! LIKE ASAP :(

spooooooovveeeee!

Well, YES I MADE IT TO THE FINALS :D
LIKE THE FINALS FINALS, AS IN SUDAH JADI FASHION SHOW TERAKHR ON THE 28TH!!!!
HUAAAAAAAAA, IM SO HAPPY I GOT THIS FAR :)
but because of some issues, i dont think i will be going on to the next round cause of payment issues.
But this deff did not make my mood on continuing in this industry
Im casting for emeron maybe this week or next depends on my mood, hehhe
but i deff made a new cool friend.. and guess what guys?!
HER NAME IS ANGIE. ANGIE JAYA. lets hope this time it wont be as messed up as the last one

Well exams are coming and uan is on the 15TH OF MARCH!!! YALL'S AINT THAT CRAZY!?
but that dess boosted up my ambition on getting through with it and studying as hard as i can :)
how is everyone else doing lately? anything fun to share yall?!

remenicing

Its been a while since we've talked, but I know things are going to be allright
Im doing this, or better yet. WERE doing this because this is whats best for the two of us
I know were going to be heading to a lot of rocky roads, and this sure is one of them
This is the beginning of a new end.
Hopefully it will show us what were really in it for
I hope completely for the best of us
And all the things in mind are your well being
I love you and I always will
take good care of yourself over there :)

No matter what, im here.
Im NOT walking, running, jogging anywhere.
time is of the essence.
But you and me have all the time in the world



xoxxxxo

magnificant day :)

MY HEART IS ABOUT TO EXPLODE WITH HAPPINESS :)

Today has been the best experience yet so far
My walk on the cat walk was absolutely breath-taking *compared to my previous walk*
The confirmation of the people who won would be on tuesday. Even if I dont get out as a winner, I know the moment wore my hells and the moment i stepped my very foot on the stage that was the only thing I want to be doing in the near future.

This is me in the outfit :D

Yes im very stiff but this is me again

Im on the phone with my best friend/lover/soulmate/lifemate!
No matter what happens, Your the shoulder I always know I ALWAYS GO TO.
Fuck what people say, I LOVE YOU AND I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU NO MATTER WHAT WERE GOING THROUGH
My unconditional love will always be there for you.
NO ONE WILL EVER REPLACE YOU NO MATTER WHAT POSITION HE WANTS.
I will be happy if your happy and if this situation were going through is going to help then im a 100% up for it.
Know that BOTH my phones are on 24/7 ready if you about to explode. Cause this time, ILL be the shoulder your going to be leaning on :)
xoxoxo

Anywhoooo, someone retarded called me last night
And thank god he did a really dumb mistake by secara nga langsung confirmed that he and my ex best friend is going out
CONGRAZ you both, you guys are ment to be with each other
Since both of you are so dumb enough to not tell me
Btw trash and trash can, I dont love you anymore. I would careless, but you just had to be so BAWAH YA DERAJATNYA gw skg malu bilang lo tu mantan gw
Im so happy that you are now..

SO, CONGRAZ. SEMOGA LANGGENG :)

an anxious wait

Alhamdullilah hirobilalamin gw terima babak penyisihan dan lulus dan tinggal fashion show this sunday
All the support I needed came all from my mom, and I just hope i do my best and make my momma proud if I win
My family aka sisters and brothers aren't really supportive of me taking a step close to my dream, but I guess that's how all stories begin don't they?
Well lets hope everything goes as plan

Of course this is the most awaited anticipated week of the year, its where I try something out of my own and try to fit in other boxes

Today I went to pacific place to meet up with a designer for one of the shops in pacific place which is also a very close and dear friend of my sister. And has a fascinating talk about the life of being a model. I guess there is more then meets the eye, and I have so much to learn and a process to undergo. But in the end, I ENDED UP BUYING A MANGO TANKTOP AND NEW CHARLES AND KEITH SHOES BARENGAN WITH MOMMA :D

Today just made my year so much better and more confident to battle it up with next years ambitious, competitive place in STN

All right guys I just got home at 10 and im reaaaaaaly extremely tired, so good night ya'll and wish me a huugeeeeeeeee enormous luuuuuuccccckkk on sunday :D

xoxoox