Agrovating attempt to get back on track, alone

Ever had a best friend that could understand you?

feel what you feel?

act the way you know they would?

care for the things you do?

well, I HAD one

Until I found out that me and her are really different.

I started to get away from her cause I knew she started talking behind my back, did childish acts, were uncaring and unreliable.

How sad that every hope I put on her faded?

She was the one everyone knew I was close with and understood me well.

And she knew my good and bad and my up's and down's.

I felt like I had known her forever.

But I guess what you felt in the friendship wasn't what she though or respected.

Out of all of this, all I wanted was her to talk to me and ask me about it.

And wow, what a good friend. she didn't.

I bet she's reading this, and i bet she's reading everything about me.

I wouldn't believe in any shit or comments she going to make, cause i simply know the truth about what she has in her mind and i wouldn't care anymore.

The truth is slowly and dissaperingly gone.

My trust is over.

I guess sometimes the people you felt was there, just wasn't

She's prob going to call her best friend and talk about it some more and gossip about it some more and talk about it some more and gossip about it some more.

Yet again, what else is there you do other then that?

Trash talking about my negativity would probably be her cure against the truth that me and her use to be friends.

She was nice and really cool with everything. She was funny and extremely dumb, but she had feelings and was very judgmental. She had a courage and a bold one. She had feelings that no one knew.

But again, I did.

And I didnt talk about her or her negativity to anyone else, cause I RESPECTED HER TRUST AND ACTUALLY didn't want to make her look bad

And i was wrong.

friends? sure.

purple

cannot believe I love purple like i do now :D

ayi my tukang jait came by and dropped my dress cause of course i couldn't fix it, huhuhuuuu

so here it is!!

what do you think :)

singapore the city of passion and depression, hahaha :)

Im here in my hotel, and i'm in my room using the laptop that marriott borrowed. and yes cause my phone is a bitch, hahah..

Well Im having a great time here for the second and last night here im very much going to enjoy it. I did a little shopping remedy and going to go in a little dip in a sec, but no matter how far I go to the length of a different country I still feel like there's something wrong that I can't seem to fix or mend :(

I hate that feeling.

Irratation that burns and pains the human feeling.

MY feelings.

I have told everyone that came close to me, that I give my trust 100% to you until you destroy it and lose every single percent you can imagine. But down the road, you gain more and more experience and you make a pattern in your brain and heart of the people you trust and not. But it back tracks you when the person you came to trust a whole lot and became close tight friends, just seem to throw it down the drain. Is that person hoping we can have the same relationship? I don't know, but so far I don't have anything to tell me or convince me that it would be back as it use to. I have been backstabbed a lot, but nothing hurts more then getting backstabbed by your best friend

Guess no matter how well you know the person, everyone inside still have and has a dirty little secret. A secret other might not tolerate.

Great i'm on vaca, about to swim and all I think is this.

Last but not least, MINALAIDIN WALFAIZIN YAAA SEMUANYA :)

besok mau puasa, so I hope by this bulan rahmadan we find ourself in islam and find our way. semoga iman kita bertambah kuat.

happy puasa everyone :)

high school melt down

Its crazy and hectic these pass few weeks because I have been trying to find the right uni's and taking every single step with caution. And making sure I don't lose my time doing some stupid stuff that doesn't have any reason to waste on.

I have been signed on to take my A's levels, SATS and also UNI's like UGM and Ui. jurusan hukum and i don't know how it will turn out. It irratates me that I don't have a good grip on my future and it gives me such a negative feedback. Im soooo scared and trying to best and hardest on studying but just the thought of not understanding math and physics kills me! what if I don't pass?!

Im at my lowest point, acme. What do i do?

surreal

Have you ever felt being leavt behind by the people that are very close and dear to you?

well I have.

3 days straight.

And it feels like their souls are stuck to my house and my everyday routine

yes that sounds good, but it FEELS weird and not right.

I miss them like crazy and its soooooo nerve-racking to find that you were sooo emotionaly attached that you forgot that if they leavt you, a part of you also leaves

Its mesmerizing to know that through the 9 months my sister has been here, me and here made all the connections that were lost for the 3-4 years we've been apart. And the most scariest thing in my mind right now is knowing I will do the exact same thing to my little sister. I guess this is what's called family, and im very fortunate to be able to appreciate it and understand it at this age. I hope that through this stage in life, I DONT make a stupid mistake again and fail. But I realized my family has accepted me for what Im, and they seem to know something I don't. And I guess thats my next anticipation.

I love you teh, uma, jeka. And you are everything to me, and my guidance through everything. And no matter where you guys leave, know that even if i make these stupid mistakes, everything you have taught me is all within me. And I will cherish and keep everything close to my heart.

See you all in the 3 years, don't worry guys ill do great with everything you have given :)

Departures

God its been long since I wrote.

Mad long yoooo :D

How is everyone doing? I hope you guy have been loving school lately

no?

Things have not been on a very friendly bases lately, and I cant stop wondering how everything that was so fine ended up so tragic. Well there's this mis-understanding issue going around, AGAIN. And Im just SOOOOOOOO OVER the whole be-on-one-side trademark now and I seriously don't want to be in this anymore. I hope tomorrow everything will be alright and in the end this whole problem can just fade away. Its not me being all wanting-to-know bullshit but I feel a little torn and responsible for what's happening. And it breaks my heart that what we have hoped never would happen, happened. I hope I didn't do anything stupid to make this whole big problem another big mess!

Well on other terms, MY BIG SISTER WHO IS IN TOTAL HAVE STAYED FOR ALMOST 8 MONTHS IS GOING BACK TO THE STATES :((

AND UMA IS LEAVING TOOOOO ON WEDNESDAY!!!!

everyone is like leaving me here to ROOOOOOOOOT!!

Im trying to get a new study-plan going on but I cant seem to get on it :/

OH BTW IF YOU GUYS DONT KNOW, REGGIE BUSH AND KIM KARDASHIAN BROKE UP :(((