Good morning jakarta :)

So its been really weird lately, these past few days. I felt like I was being exam'd and I am in this little box where everyone can see my little do's and flaws. I dont like the attention Im getting even if i would like to be the eye of everything. And it freaks me the hell out!

I wonder whats going to happen next.

Well all I know right now is hopefully that in my report card their is at least 2 A+ or 1 B.. Need serious need of those A and B's :(

Keep making the usual mistakes, and its insane. And especially when you think its for a good cause but it just ends up as living hell! ughhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!

My insecurity's are very high up these days and Im very great full. I get to see the downside of being the girl that take's nothing but give's everything.. I wonder what my ex would say about this.. hummmmmmmm

Different child, different approach

My parents have 5 children. Thats a lot for a normal married couple of almost 30 years. And Im not implying they don't know how to raise me, no don't get me wrong. I think their the best a parent can get, and besides the fact that they already raised 3 before me.

And I feel kinda sorry, for letting them raise me. I mean I am the most spoiled most ab-noxious greedy, egoistic, self centered daughter anyone can get. But Im glad through all of that I bloomed into someone very liberal and understanding to other peoples feeling :) people say i got it from my dad..

But thats not the issue right now. The issue right now, would probably be how parents always seem to make every single kid the same. 

isn't that like supposed to be a problem? And I wonder how people like B'jork, Amy winehouse could stand out.

I don't know if Im the only child that seems to have a problem but its like Im treated and look to as my brothers and sisters. Look I know I am not the brightest and Im not the best, but wouldn't you guys like to see the other part of me that would make you feel happy and proud? And it feels like shit when you realize you try your best just to know that in the end, its all not worth it.

Maybe cause iam grounded all my supress-anger is all built up and everything around me just seems unfair. But now I seem to realize that silencs is gold. And through all of that fighting is really NOT the answer..

My WEEK

Okay, this week has been the most weirdest and retarted week of the year.

I had not just 1, but wait ... 2 bitch fights which required energy of the brain rather then my hand.

I had no idea what was coming and i swore I had everything in the right way.

Well one happened to someone I happen to deal with every single day. It turned out everything was a lessoned learn for everyone, but IT the problem, really got me thinking of how I should've learned more and dealt with people and their personalities. I think everyone knows by now, that friendship isn't about talking behind their back, but really about dealing with one another's differences. But I really found out it, ones your close to someone you come to realize that, that person you came close is your worst enemy. It hits you straight and hard. But it all comes down to you, do you need these people to survive? Or is it you that need other peoples attention, cause you lost to the greatest enemy, YOU?

The other problem has not been settled down yet, but I hope the truth will come out soon. DONT ever deny your own feelings, because the most important thing in this game of backstabbing and friendship and lies, IS YOU.