The life on the other side is always and will always be better

"Grass is always greener on the other side"

I've been writing in very dark colors lately, maybe cause my mood would be better or should be better then this.

I've been thinking and maybe I was always right with my intentions and feelings. 

Im the type of girl that always falls in the same hole she feel before and keeps doing so until she's tired and then corrects herself. And right now, as you read this you might've thought that I am either stupid, pathetic, lame, irresponsible, and tiring. And yes your guess is right

My yesterdays talk with my sister and mother, really got me. Maybe this time I am wrong.

Hard to admit for someone like dantha. And maybe this time I should start changing. Weird part is, I'm willing to do anything BUT change

Instead I have decide NOT to change BUT to do as they say.

shocked?

I've been wrong in everyones eyes, and i'm tired of trying to change myself for people that are never going to be happy with anything i do. So maybe this time I should try to just shut up and let ego this time chill for a sec

well i guess their is change, but change in the way I think about everyone and the way I should behave. Kinda scared of the challange I put myself this time because this time its a risky behavior and I have never tried it. So lets see how far i can go with being:

1. having a distance with EVERYONE

2. keep my thoughts and feelings to myself

3. TRUST no one

4. cut the crap and care less for bullshit

5. Do WHAT I WANT, without ANYONE stopping me

I hope this works

Trust

Trust is a real big word.

Trust is something you know you can put all your hopes apon. And you know that by all the chance he or she or it doesn't fail you and has your interest best at heart.

I think yesterday I could or may have seen a GLIMPSE of that so called trust.

I personally think trust the base of every foundation of every relationship.I know that I have crushed my family's, but hey I know I can always get it back.

What I dont except or come to think came through was that I needed to be treated differently then my sisters and brother.

IM veeeeeeeeery different. And everyone knows that.

So yesterday I went out with imuh to pim and met my boyfriend. Which by now, everyone HATES.

His a bad guy, no. I dont know, but the people that are more older do.

I'm the type of person who would see it first and then believe it.

And I personally haven't see it.

And you know what that equaled to?

GROUNDED FOR A MONTH WITH NO MONEY, NO SHOPPING AND NO WAY OUT OF AFTER SCHOOL PARTIES.

People or teenagers that might have gone through what I went through might introspek themselves and think what they went wrong.

I KNOW WHAT I DID WRONG.

And personally for me this is something I should change MYSELF to other people.

And I must admit, it was my fault because i was:

1. selfish

2. wants to win

3. Do or say things without thinking twice

4. Does not give back what should be given back

Iam sorry to say my life lesson here would be:

1. I WILL NEVER EVER EVER AND EVER will trust ANYONE

2. I will LEARN to understand other peoples feelings MORE

3. Iam going to have to learn how to keep a distance with my family

4. I will LEARN how to or what I should tell him

5. And I should play with rules

It really weird, but what happened to me yesterday night really changed me into something I have never ever though I was.

MitoHardjo

This post is dedicated to my sister that's in the hospital :)

The hospital wasn't really half that bad, it was an army hospital located in sudirman. Which i may add, I never knew their was one there. It looks really small from the outside, but once your inside tis like BAM!

The people wasn't all that bad either like the ones you see on television, we actually be-friend the nurse to give my sister good food :D

ohhhhhh, what made me stay soooooooooooooooooooooo long and didn't complain was the view of the hospital from my sisters room. It wasn't the best view i've seen, and their were alot of towers but the sky blew me away. The color it makes when you wake up early in the morning and when your about to close the curtains for the day, its really nice and warming.

I was admiring the sky and its personality. How it could be as independent flying from one place to the other and going through different situations and be soo untouched, somehow UNCHANGEABLE.

  I hope all of you are ready to start the long week vacation, while i'm going to get a good night rest saving my energy for this weeks up-coming drama.

I'm a bounce! Chaaaboom!

Get well soon teeeeh :)

Get well soon teh, and as soon as you get out we can go shopping :D

Well today until tomorrow is going to be full of visit's to the hospital, and ill senayan probably. and hopefully I get money out of this*dad if you read this please understand.. I WANT MONEYY!!!!

I was checking out some stuff online and I am falling in love with KATE MOSS's collection for topshop! I think she very smart for someone who's been in the papers lately. 

And i found some skirts that iam willing to die for :D

I cant get enough of topshop, oh and cant leave the shop without wanting this

well its 8:37 and iam going to have to bounce! 

My WEEK

Okay, this week has been the most weirdest and retarted week of the year.

I had not just 1, but wait ... 2 bitch fights which required energy of the brain rather then my hand.

I had no idea what was coming and i swore I had everything in the right way.

Well one happened to someone I happen to deal with every single day. It turned out everything was a lessoned learn for everyone, but IT the problem, really got me thinking of how I should've learned more and dealt with people and their personalities. I think everyone knows by now, that friendship isn't about talking behind their back, but really about dealing with one another's differences. But I really found out it, ones your close to someone you come to realize that, that person you came close is your worst enemy. It hits you straight and hard. But it all comes down to you, do you need these people to survive? Or is it you that need other peoples attention, cause you lost to the greatest enemy, YOU?

The other problem has not been settled down yet, but I hope the truth will come out soon. DONT ever deny your own feelings, because the most important thing in this game of backstabbing and friendship and lies, IS YOU.

uneven grounds

UNEVEN GROUNDS

This is my first post and it seems so weird.

I wanted to try and do this little thing called blog and wanted to see how things would work out. I'm hoping that this blog can be mostly about everything thats going through my mind.

So for starters i'd prob just tell you about my day. So today we ate out with grandpa and i went out to citos and hanged out with a couple of buddies. nothing special but the whole day was crazy and funny.

I guess thats all for tonight, its getting late and MY INSOMNIA'S BACK.

p.s. My life is a piece of shit, so when you do read this don't comment anything predictable cause guess what, IT IS!