territorial grounds

New me ;)

2010-10-16T20:40:00.001-07:00

OCT

2010-10-16T18:56:00.000-07:00

Hey guys!!!!

hhihihih, hola a todos?!?

he sido un gran!!!
Its a saturday night and tomorrow is going to be a fantastic sunday because...........

we are going out of town, wwwoottt wwoot! road trip :D

well anywho, I just made a tumblr, hihihihi... please do visit and follow ;)
http://fragilerfection.tumblr.com/

do follow ;)
And I was really iseng with my day today soo..... here's a photo..

see you guys monday and have a great weekend! :)

Things to complete!

2010-10-12T16:18:00.000-07:00

MUST DO!!!!

make a tumblr
know how to put DAILY MAKE UP
find me within in NY

In 2 days 3 weeks! :D

2010-10-12T15:09:00.000-07:00

Hola a todos! :)

OMG it's been a while since I have been writing here and I am oh so very sorry!!!! So I was told that we were moving on the 27th and all of a sudden ON THE 21ST AFTER MY DATE, my LAST date with Ardan on THE NIGHT as I GOT HOME I was told were moving the next day and were to start packing IMMEDIATELY as we got home. I think it was the worst yet the best night because I can finally just let things go without me having to pull it back. When will I ever start to branch and let go of Indo if it didn't go that way? So many things that haven't been said and so many are still kept inside everyone, but I am glad it didn't come out. At least it makes it feel real and mysterious. I have a reason to now go home with all that I have left.

It is a 23 hour plane ride to Mexico city and we transit at Paris, France. Here is the family and me at Paris;)

Aren't we just a happy family? hihihii ;) We were tourist for like 2 days and a night and we stayed at the Wisma in Paris, SORRY TANTE SULLY AK DULUAN YANG TIDUR DISITU ;p And we went straight to mexico!! AND BOOYYY!!! this house is B-E-Y-O-N-D huge.

Here is me in the side yard

In the back of me is the gym OUTSIDE.. We all have private gym's inside our bathroom and especially my dads. So yes, WE BALLIN'!!!

I have been traveling around mexico city and of course dinning at SAKS which is beyond fine dinning. It was just a perfect lunch, hihihih. Hope to take you guys there soon :)

I am currently staying here until My classes in NY begin, and my pengumuman for CUNY is next month, SO INSYALLAH BISMILLAH!!! AAAMIINNN I will get accepted. Its been a great vacation But.... I gotta step up my game and start studying.. Hopefully I will transfer my grades after the first year to......

or...

Place pray for me :D hihihihi
Right now I am currently at home and I am starting my classes for Spanish tomorrow and I am UBBEEERR EXCITED!!! hihihihih

untitled

2010-09-11T08:56:00.000-07:00

Know whats the real weird part of always being the player? In the end you realize your the one getting played from all the false pretences you made

come, come, come..... come back to my reality. wake, wake, wake me up from this anxiety

Just a dream

2010-09-11T08:14:00.000-07:00

I was thinkin about her, thinkin about me
Thinkin about us, what we gonna be?
Open my eyes, yeah; it was only just a dream

wow, just a dream
If everything I have put on and eventually lost it all
Have I really had it all along or was it all just a dream?
All the tears, love, pain and struggle........

all GONE?!

The thing about this is the man you wish swept you off your feet, REALLY TRULY AND UTTERLY swept me off mines

His an addictive drug
Once is a ride, second is longing the third is pure addiction

Perfection; oddly the easiest way we make mistakes once we've tasted it
EGO taking over to gain MORE and MORE

so, after all of this is over...

Are you real or just a dream?

IED MUBARAK!

2010-09-10T05:06:00.000-07:00

HAPPY MUBARAK IED EVERYONE! :D

May god bless us this month full of berkah! Semoga amal ibadah kita diterima disisinya dunia dan akherat, aaamiinnn

This is my first batch of food:

And this is my second batch :p

I was about to sign up for TUMBLR when I found this post that just made me cry a bit inside:

I’m a gay, teenage boy. And I wish I was attracted to women. I want a family when I’m older, I want kids and a wife. And it kills me knowing I’m not attracted to women. So instead, I sleep with a load of men to take my mind off it. Sometimes I just wish the ground would hurry up and swallow me.

NEW LAYOOUUUTT!

2010-09-06T22:27:00.000-07:00

I need something new!

and yessshhh I am back to updating my blog!

How you guys liking it?

So again I have been sick for 3rd time since last month and I think i'm getting skinner by the day, I don't fit an S in Zara anymore!

I AM LOSING ALL MY LADY LUMPS :'(

Round and round and round

2010-08-23T05:18:00.000-07:00

Hey guys, I've been so busy lately that I haven't been able to have time to blog

How is everyone going right now? I hope everyone has had an amazing summer as I had and is ready to go back to work ;)
I'm going to change the color a bit, cause this is kinda good news :p
So on exactly the 9th of august my dad had his inauguration on becoming DUTA BESAR MEXICO!!!Iam of course extremely proud and happy to be his daughter
This is a pic of me and gina getting ready for the party :)

Of course the whole thing went smooth and really memorable, we met with the president which I was really shocked to find that he was very nice and a really charismatic human being. We all know by this, this mean i'm all set to go to MEEEXIICCOOOO!!!! :D
yes, this means VACAAAA!!! Because a couple of months ago I wasn't able to go bali, hihihiihi. This is a picture of us as the happy family right after the ceremony

Well as you all know, I am now continuing my studies abroad, in the COUNTRY OF UNCLE SAM :D
I am currently applying to THE CITY UNIVERSITY OF NEW YORK AKA. CUNY
and hoping to try out some other places. I am thinking of trying for BURKELEY AND UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA LOS ANGELES AKA UCLA. I am enrolling for the spring term but unfortunately for burkeley and UCLA I think I will be enrolling for the fall term. Do hope your prayers are always with me ;)

I have finally graduated from high school! lol, kinda a long while ago but oh well thought you guys autto know :p

OMG IM A TRENDSETTER

2010-07-01T04:20:00.000-07:00

this is paris on the 29th of june 2010, this is me in october 28th 2009

Braces are off!!!!!!!!! :D

2010-06-26T17:56:00.000-07:00

long gone from the face of the earth

2010-06-24T08:28:00.000-07:00

Seriously Its been a while since Ive been on the blog, and its scary. Its all like, ghetto and like being shity on me -.-

But all is good, im playing Wifi at my room so I just thought of updating my blog. How is everyone doing? my tofels are coming up this saturday, and I'm more exhausted then nervous. Wish me the best of luck guys! :D

As you all know, I did not take both UI and UGM. And decided to just go and take SNMPTN again just for the hell of it. Im so nervous of the pengumuman padahal Im not really depending on it, hihihihihi. adrenaline rush is running through my vains :D

skiiinnyyy

2010-05-29T19:16:00.000-07:00

didn't know I would get this skinny

daddy's little princess

2010-05-27T07:00:00.000-07:00

daddy I love you :)
That's the only thing I know best saying. I've been saying it all my life now. I can say I'm also the most spoiled and loved kid in the family. And I thank him for everything I have received. but with the age thats rapidly increasing, I've come to ask myself.. When will I be able to pay him back for everything he has done?
So I want to tell you dad, your everything I think of when I study and work hard to achieve my dreams. Someday I hope you get to taste the victory I worked so hard on. And someday for once, I can be asking you how much money you need or when you want o get picked up from your golf games. I love you dad, I'm sorry my achievement is yet to come, but don't worry big man. It'll come very veeerry soon :)

P.s. I love you dad. And will never get bored saying it <3

midnight thoughts

2010-05-17T17:12:00.000-07:00

I'm laying here in bed

Not sleepy, and my boyfriend just leavt me to go catch his flight to la la land
But then again, I do this to him.... LIKE ALL THE TIME! lol ;p
I'm just looking at my white boarded room and listening to "the power of love"
btw, A MUST DOWNLOAD!
soothing song
But as im listening to it, I've stumbled on thinking to myself about what the power of love has done to me
I think love was everything and the only thing I can say I remember when I grew up. I didn't grow up on a rich family, but grew on to be a rich.
Nothing but classic persistent hard work.
I grew up having strict old school parents with tight up-bringing.
I guess maybe that's why I never really actually fitted with the crowd.
I just always made the crowd fit me
The hardest part about being different is not being understood
And I have been blessed to have my eyes open to the oh-so great people and the oh-so not great people
Being with my boyfriend now is the only thing, I think, is a blessing in disguise
His not just a soul mate but also a best friend
Not to forget, a keen advisor, brother and anything I need him to be
He's that buy 1 get 100 type's of packages
I didn't want to miss out on this opportunity and oh boy I didn't :)
His charming, quite, loving, charismatic, intelligent, patient, humorist, trustworthy and loyal.
Everything you want in 1 seeeeeeeeeee :)
I can't stop smiling to myself on how far we've driven each other to insanity and roads of endless possibility
I'm walking forward to keep on moving on that road, where ever it takes me and himBut I know, if I get lost, were at least lost together. And you as my guider :)

I love you and i can't wait for the journey ahead
I hope you are too- xoxxo <3>

printscreen

2010-05-07T21:03:00.000-07:00

I regret not print screening my hasil for ugm but now i have for ui :D

ACCOMPLISHMENTS :)

2010-05-07T20:50:00.000-07:00

OMG HAVE I BEEN IN A WHIRLWIND!
This year is by far the best and the most hardest year of my life
I have proven to everyone that I am CAPABLE to accomplish what I set my mind to
But most importantly, I have given myself a reason to keep learning :)

ALHAMDULLILAH HIROBILALAMIN, ANDANTA IZZATI DJAFAR TELAH LULUS UGM HUKUM DAN UNIVERSITAS INDONESIA JURUSAN KRIMINOLOGY :')

I have always doubted myself, And now i have reason not to :)
Thank you so much to everyone who believed in me and put all their heart TO HATE ME because see haters..

I WIN IN THE END. BYE FUCKERS HELLO FUTURE :D

Hometown

2010-04-04T15:08:00.000-07:00

I just came back from kunningan and I feel this grave, sick and empty feeling
It is no doubt that me and my cousins hate going back home
Nontheless maybe because we haven't really felt what home really ment
We aka me and my cousins never understood why my loder brother and sisters loved going back home
But when I went back yesterday to come and see my whole family again to celebrate my little cousins manhood, I really felt like I was home
well, at least understood what it ment

I couldn't hold back the tears as I was bidding farewell to my family
I have realized that they have always wanted me back, and always loved and cared for me
while I was just always wanting to get away from them :'(
I have been keeping this huge egoism that I have never ment to change, and realizing how much pain I have given in return
Family in kunningan to me, is a place where you come back home.
Where you belong, became and grew mentally

Im quite satisfied that I have learned that before I leave
I will make sure that I see them more before I can't see them at all anymore

You never realized what you have got until its gone.
And that's definitely my lesson taught

I huge shoutout and love to my family there, CANT WAIT UNTIL THE NEXT TIME I COME SEE YOU GUYS :)

dilemma not worth thinking about

2010-03-17T16:19:00.000-07:00

Seriously, UAN is in like 4 days and im like completely NOT IN the mood at all
Im sick and I was supposedly supposed to come in to school to do a praktek for TIK
IM SICK YO!!

school should start being smart on how they make their schedules
Im not showing up out of no where just because they told me too
Wheres their responsibility?
Don't mind me, im saying all of these because IM NOT IN SCHOOL AT THE MOMENT TO DO TIK

fmy life.

Karena UAN bentar lagi, mohon maaf dan doa buat semuanya

semoga tahun ini angkatan kelas 12 lulus UAN semua 100% :)

amiiin!

complications

2010-03-13T15:22:00.000-08:00

Ive been so confused and having this huge dilemma on my future studies
I have been recently accepted into University of Gadjamada
And looking forward and anticipating my future test of acceptance in University of Indonesia
Its every kids dream to get to UI if you live anywhere in the ten mile radius of Indonesia
And its been hard to realize which one I really want and which one I really need
On one side I would like to make my family happy and proud and honored that their last and doubtful kid can get a uni in NY and I would like to be in NY for my future credit, But I would really like to be here and study law
But what am I to say what the future hold?

ALHAMDULLILAH

2010-02-26T14:44:00.000-08:00

ALHAMDULLILAH ANDANTA I. DJAFAR

KETERIMA DAN LULUS UJIAN MASUK PBS HUKUM :)

THANK YOU EVERYONE FOR ALL THE LOVE AND SUPPORT AND PRAYERS
HOPEFULLY THE INTERVIEW WILL GO AS PLANNED

AND LOTS AND LOTS OF THANKS AND LOVE FOR MY BOYFRIEND, ARDAN PERDANA :)

FOR EVERY SINGLE DROP OF LOVE YOU HAVE GIVEN ME

XOXXO

4 am

2010-01-23T13:29:00.000-08:00

Its actually 43 past 4, but all is good
I dont know why im awake but I cant go back to sleep and that's for sure

How is everyone doing?
Which I think you will be reading this around afternoon-ish, am I right?

Exams have taking over my head.
And its getting to my weekends too!
The weirdest thing is that im not studying that hard for the exam
I MEAN IM GIVING MY ALL
but UAN is deff not my priority right now..

ME AND ANGIE BAIKAN LHOOOOOOO :D

complete happiness is filling me right now, hahahhahaha
Im back with the dumb-shit that makes me laugh all day!
pretty good to be back

Im not up for wild stuff right now, but all me angie do to relieve stress, is to just SHOP!
And I need to stop that right now -.-

Firefly

2010-01-08T20:48:00.000-08:00

Karma.
UGH.
I hate this subject of hindu believes
But what goes around comes around
I feel really bad and guilty for the stupidity I have piled on someone
I just should've given my insecurities a break, And I pushed it
Im not regretting anything I did
Im just saying that instead of giving it my best effort to make it work I made it a deision that me and him are just not ment to do what normal people do

His a complexed person.
someone who's just really psycho
Normal average joe down the street
And i still dont quite grasp where I went wrong.
Well, until i realize im not going to be with him for a very long time

Its like getting used to having your pea's and carrots seperate
and now there is NO PEAS.
Just carrots.
Empty, delicate carrots.
I had not considered what it would be like to actually be AWAY FROM HIM
I should've k known what was coming
Since, in the first place, made all this mess
Im probably going though this phase cause a slap of reality made me wake up

I lost valuable, granted time
Time where I could see his visibility, and then maybe
JUST MAYBE.
by the slightest chance, actually want to be with him

Its astonishing how careless and blind someone is until that thing just slowly disappears from view

View not only where the eye can see, but also the heart

2010

2009-12-31T09:19:00.000-08:00

HAPPY 2010 EVERYONE :D

Its been 22 min passed 1st jan of 2010
BUT I FEEL LIKE NOTHINGS CHANGED.
I had a different new year, thanks to my hubby RAMADITYA :)
I love him muucchoooo muuccchooo!
And we had a ball when we keliling2 and found now place to go, but back home
his home :)

It was alright, nothing special
Just a home thing, but I felt very special to be with him
I never thought of actually having my new years just being with someone
But its the feeling of one and hoping to go to another new years with him that makes me feel so much better

HAPPY 2010 EVERYONE
MAY GOD SHOWER US WITH ALL THE BLESSINGS AND WEALTH AND HAPPINESS
MAY 2010 BE THE YEAR WHERE EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE REVOLUTIONIZE TO BE BETTER, STRONGER, WISER AND OLDER
AMIIIIIIIINNNNN :)

I hope where ever you guys are, you guys had a fantastic new year, and a welcoming of a new chapter
how did you guys spend it?

Well as i promise its already 2010 and I HAVE YET NOT WRITTEN my new years resolution
And all I can say I want right now is to be able to be:
BETTER
WISER
SMARTER
STRONGER
CALMER
LUCKY
CHARMING
UNSTOP-ABLE
INVINCIBLE
CUTER
CUNNING
WITTY
RATIONAL
LOVING
CARING
UNDERSTANDING

The list just keeps getting on and on
but most importantly I want to be able to DREAM HIGH, GAIN HIGHER, REACH HIGHER, BE HIGHER, BE THE HIGHEST, BE THE GOAL
Besides, I AM A DESTINY NOT A JOURNEY

2009 is a stepping stone and for me 2010 is my next step to the future
I hope that this year will bring me fortune that will reach infinity, give me love that's unconditional, shower me with all the best luck that god can give, and bloom me into a beautiful flower
Im leaving the old me of 2009 in exchanged for a new opportunity to create and groom a new one

I WILL MAKE IT. I WILL BE THERE. AND THAT WILL BE ME

SEE ME IN 2010 PEOPLE

KEEP TALKING, AND KEEP BACKSTABBING
I WONT BE HERE WITHOUT YOU GUYS :)

XOXXO <3

POTONG RAMBUT=BUANG SIAL :D

2009-12-30T02:52:00.000-08:00

I cut my hair.. and this is me RIGHT NOW.

Its soooo short!

Anywho by the who, While I was cutting my hair
I came forth to decide that....

I will DONATE ALL MY HAIR ( when Im dead in the land of kill me forever ) to make wigs for girls who have cancer that have lost all their hair
The mesmerizing foundation: LOCKS OF LOVE

Which can be seen here on their website : http://www.locksoflove.org/

I knew of their website cause of oprah, and her revolutionary show
Locks of love are for people who need hair, and since were capable of giving. why not give them our hair as a sign of love?
We need to give back what we have
I hope one day I will be able to help someone smile even larger cause of the hair they got. And how much devotion, love and care I give to them even if I have not gotten a chance tp know them
Let me be one with them.

2010? soooooo not the bomb!

2009-12-26T03:22:00.000-08:00

So I finally realize how good this book is. Seriously the chapter on Rome was just pointless. You can really see her weakness and boundaries on the India chapter which I felt she really gave the readers something to read about :)
I like the part where is express's or puts all those negative things into one meaningful point, GOD
Yes I've been thinking about it since reading the book

No matter what religion you are, god is one.

fyi'S

2009-12-25T02:09:00.000-08:00

This movie was out July 17, 2009. Cuma too bad It didn't stay long here in indo!
It's a love story of a geek that never did find love, But since he was a kid he loved and believed very deeply in true love and soul mates.
And summer, well she the weird girl that just... is weird.
Its when they finally "fall in love" everything in the world is theirs.
Until he faces the utter most bitter reality that she's just NOT THAT INTO HIM.
Its a story that, I believe, Is an independent movie with a lot of feel and very nice touching meaning.
A must watch BEFORE 2009 ends, hihiii. yes I was late to watch it too :)
Best movie of 2009, must must watch!

Another really weird fact is that I just found out that zooey dechanel, is actually A SIBLING of my favorite shows on tv, BONES. Yes she's emily deschanel's sister.. How weird is that?!

Any who, Iam currently reading the book EAT LOVE and PRAY. which by the way, touching but really boring in the beginning. It has no english structural understanding and is really bad at getting her point across. I don't understand why its getting good reviews but Im guessing she's got good channels. I'll keep you posted on this though..

Well MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE :)

I hope that for everyone who is celebrating it, gets there guidance. And gets LOTS AND LOTS OF PRESENTS! mhuehueheh..

A week of rejuvination

2009-12-23T16:20:00.000-08:00

I absolutely love this week
Yes I did eventually have my Birthday at portico senayan city and had a great time
The pictures are still with my girl yasmine, but she might be on vacation so they arent posted
I celebrated my bday 5 TIMES mhuahuaha, with 5 of my best entourages
clubbing has not been any thing listed on my to do bday sensation.

BUT IT WOULD'NT BE DANTHA WITHOUT ONE :D
So Im partying it up for new years and maybe this weekend!
You gotta love christmas and new years don't ya?!

Well I had my date out with my baby boboooo, aka ardan
We switched christmas presents and still cant let go of his pashmina
It smells like his mom or a girls perfume, mhauhauha
but still its the reason of giving that matters :)- xoxxo

Im starting to take TOFEL preparations 4 of Jan from Monday till Thursday from 7-9 at night and I will be damn exhausted with everything pilled up
I DON'T CARE WHAT MY MOM SAID ABOUT DRIVING LESSONS IM STILL TAKING IT

And yesterday My mom's cousins daughter just gave birth to a lovely boy, his soo amazing such a bundle of sunshine

panicking out=NO RESERVATION FOR MY BDAY PAARTTY :(

2009-12-17T05:02:00.000-08:00

Im not joking.
IM FREAKING OUT OF MY MIND RIGHT NOW
I was going to have dinner with my girlfriends at helens bakery turns out my reservation couldn't deal with it cause they had another person booking the whole goddamn resto. FUCK -.-

Well my other options are of course, portico and sushi tei or sushi groove! I can't think of anywhere else to take my girls out to eat
I hate it when my moms words come into mind when I get into situations like these
I NEVER HAVE PLANNING -.-

DIEING FOR THESE :(

2009-12-16T16:03:00.000-08:00

I found our about her collection a while back, but I had a reaction and just want to get them ASAP :(

SWEET SWEEET 17 :)

2009-12-16T09:10:00.000-08:00

:):):):)

Happiness for my birthday, that's all I have been feeling today
Its great, i had like more then 100 comments of happy birthdays and I had a huge surprise waktu diceplokn pake cofffe, telor dan BEKAS MINYAK GORENG
which by the way made me veeeeery veeery sticky and disgusting and like... BAD SMELLING -.-

HAPPY SWEET 17TH BIRTHDAY FOR ME :D

I want to give a shoutout to cut naila, thank you for reading me. I read your blogs too 8)

H-2

2009-12-13T16:10:00.000-08:00

Udah h-2 tetep aja nih belum ada feeling of festivites -.-

H-10

2009-12-05T16:05:00.000-08:00

Yes, hihihi.. Its 10 days till my B Day ya'll :D

Im exploding with absolute excitement and joy of going to be 17
I'm not excepting anything crazy this year, but Iam looking forward to spending it with some of my close close besties! just to make sure I have a good memory that would last a lifetime
Im sure I will not have any regret but will be full of gradatude and blessings

Im sick today and I have a whole plan of studying coming up, I dont even know if im gonna be in school tomorrow :(

well on the other account, I CANNOT WAIT UNTIL CHRISTMAS cause im going to be spending it with my baby faaattyy up in pacific place. I hope the weather would be wet and foggy and cold so it would feel or look like christmas when we were both in NY :)

how is everyone now? feeling the holiday spirits yet?

morning sunshines :)

2009-11-27T16:43:00.000-08:00

Ive been up since like 5 in the morning
MORNING SAYAAANG :)
my baby rama isn't ever awake at this hour, so i just thought I'd give my love out for him here

Im definitely excited for today. My cousins coming over today, and im heading to see my doctor FOR THE PAST 2 MONTHS I have not been in her office, hahaha
And maybe go to this garage sale with my cousin up near my school
I NEED NEW BIKINIS :(

So today im looking for tofel preparation places, kinda excited for the next step TO NYC DAWWWWG :D
hmmm, I think im gonna miss a bunch of my friends. and then a couple of MAD ASS GOOD FOOD, and absolutely gret hangout places
But dont worry ya'll when I get to LA I wont forget you guys! come to my concerts yaaa
Im also getting my mental ready for the cruel things that are coming my way later in uni.. which yes im not ready yet. BUT OVERALL EXCITED!

bangbang shoutout to my homeboy

ARDAN
this is written in green because of the so many frogs he killed in his life :)

circumstances

2009-11-22T21:51:00.000-08:00

hehehhe, yaaaay! gw jadian ama rama, And thankfully imuh doesn't seem to have a problem with him
Im absolutely delighted with his presence around me. He has been making me a happy person with all his preciousness and kindness

Time is of the essence. And unfortunately im running out of those
decisions are like stepping stones. To reach a point in life where you are felt most suitable.
Since I was a tiny toddler I never really understood the meaning of belonging.
I was never at place more then 6 years, and situations including morals, change
Dont get me wrong, there are a lot of positivity that comes out of all of that
But its that small part that until this day, I have not quite grasped the meaning

Im almost 17 years old now, 2 weeks and 2 days 12 hours remaning
And I still dont understand.
Situations after situations builds my characteristics. well enough to know that I finally CAN FEEL the feeling of belonging
But that doesn't stop the rain from coming.

I <3 NY, I really do.
I wanna go back, who doesnt?! but I dont want to lose everything I have put up since i have been here
Studies is my main priority and I want and need the best
I think deciding to pursue my studies back in the states is an amazing, challenging and mind-bobbling idea.
But I dont think thats what i need right now
But yet again, what am I to decide what the future has in store for me?
I cant bare to say goodbye to everything I have gained and earned, but I cant wait for the welcoming of a new era.

Maturing and adult thinking encourages me to be more and more diligent
I have to be more diligent and careful with the sacrifices that are layed

ughhhhh, i hate deciding

think before action

2009-11-17T05:16:00.000-08:00

Im in a very lost and confused state right now, and my friend recommended me to this guy who clearly has 6 sense's
And what he said clearly made sense

I NEVER INTEND for it to happen, And i clearly don't need all the drama and tension that must be taken for a relationship, but of my foolish self, it just happens
Im stuck between 2 people
And another guy that says he loves me but sleeps with more then 5 girls behind my back
lets says, A B and C.
C, well me and him ARE SO CALLED IN A RELATIONSHIP and its almost 8months. No one ever said the words break up, but we have boundaries when we need em.
A, this guy. His unopen, and i cant deal with that. With me, its either you catch me now. OR NEVER. And i guess this guys git isnt enough to float with my boat. Yoga was right, as he is, I DONT KNOW THIS A GUY LUAR DAN DALEM. ngapan gw suka ama orang yang belum tentu suka sama gw!?
B has deff been the sweetest of them all. First time we met and dia uda kerumah gw :)
Dia uda ngungkapn rasa sayang dia ke gw, dan uda siap untuk ngjaga gw luar dan dalem. Tapi kenapa ya gw nga bisa ngrasa senyaman gw kalo gw bersama A dan C?
Yoga also told me that i need time to chill, relax and pick whats best for me. Cause at the end of the day, all that matters would be me.

Im confused..

AND i have decided..

rain rain rain

2009-11-13T00:23:00.000-08:00

The rain for me has always been the time where i let all my thoughts wash away, just like the rain
Well I decided to do something different this time, I've decided to share it with you :)

Im going through a point in life where I feel like I need to take a rest from all this insanity and try something new, do EVERYTHING NEW
I don't necessary understand myself when im saying this, but I do know this.
I done with mistakes, Im done with issues. Im done with this.
I wanna live in peace, but every time I take that leap of faith I get 5 steps back to torture.

When I first told myself, too cool down from any crazy dumbness and to re-evaluate, I never thought that I would understand and sync myself this far
I know what I WANT, what I NEED, what I LOVE, what IM WILLING TO HOLD
Im pretty independent and proud of what I found, but im not happy with he result of the hidden, the reality
Im ashamed of the mistakes, crucible by the truth
Its very unsatisfying to know that all your effort and strength were all part of a big play that didn't show

I think all this jibberesh is the sum of all the frustration stuck and crumbled in my mind
Exams are coming, AND COMING FAST :( and im extremely scared of whats gonna pop out of those papers!
What if i dont get in? what if what i pick for myself isn't that thing for me?!
IS ANYONE ELSE GOING THROUGH THIS :/

Know when you break up with someone and your committed on not going out with any guy cause guys are all the same and you kinda need a break from all the bullshit for a second and breath all the air around you? UGHHHH!! why do guys come to me like dogs trying to get food when im interested in someone, that i dont end up getting and then when I do go out with that person everyone hates em -.- this is becoming a veeeeeeeery tiring game.

can YOU THE PERSON I LIKE RIGHT NOW, JUST COME AND SWEEP ME OFF MY FEET?! LIKE ASAP :(

spooooooovveeeee!

2009-11-11T05:44:00.000-08:00

Well, YES I MADE IT TO THE FINALS :D
LIKE THE FINALS FINALS, AS IN SUDAH JADI FASHION SHOW TERAKHR ON THE 28TH!!!!
HUAAAAAAAAA, IM SO HAPPY I GOT THIS FAR :)
but because of some issues, i dont think i will be going on to the next round cause of payment issues.
But this deff did not make my mood on continuing in this industry
Im casting for emeron maybe this week or next depends on my mood, hehhe
but i deff made a new cool friend.. and guess what guys?!
HER NAME IS ANGIE. ANGIE JAYA. lets hope this time it wont be as messed up as the last one

Well exams are coming and uan is on the 15TH OF MARCH!!! YALL'S AINT THAT CRAZY!?
but that dess boosted up my ambition on getting through with it and studying as hard as i can :)
how is everyone else doing lately? anything fun to share yall?!

remenicing

2009-11-08T02:56:00.000-08:00

Its been a while since we've talked, but I know things are going to be allright
Im doing this, or better yet. WERE doing this because this is whats best for the two of us
I know were going to be heading to a lot of rocky roads, and this sure is one of them
This is the beginning of a new end.
Hopefully it will show us what were really in it for
I hope completely for the best of us
And all the things in mind are your well being
I love you and I always will
take good care of yourself over there :)

No matter what, im here.
Im NOT walking, running, jogging anywhere.
time is of the essence.
But you and me have all the time in the world

xoxxxxo

magnificant day :)

2009-11-08T01:57:00.000-08:00

MY HEART IS ABOUT TO EXPLODE WITH HAPPINESS :)

Today has been the best experience yet so far
My walk on the cat walk was absolutely breath-taking *compared to my previous walk*
The confirmation of the people who won would be on tuesday. Even if I dont get out as a winner, I know the moment wore my hells and the moment i stepped my very foot on the stage that was the only thing I want to be doing in the near future.

This is me in the outfit :D

Yes im very stiff but this is me again

Im on the phone with my best friend/lover/soulmate/lifemate!
No matter what happens, Your the shoulder I always know I ALWAYS GO TO.
Fuck what people say, I LOVE YOU AND I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU NO MATTER WHAT WERE GOING THROUGH
My unconditional love will always be there for you.
NO ONE WILL EVER REPLACE YOU NO MATTER WHAT POSITION HE WANTS.
I will be happy if your happy and if this situation were going through is going to help then im a 100% up for it.
Know that BOTH my phones are on 24/7 ready if you about to explode. Cause this time, ILL be the shoulder your going to be leaning on :)
xoxoxo

Anywhoooo, someone retarded called me last night
And thank god he did a really dumb mistake by secara nga langsung confirmed that he and my ex best friend is going out
CONGRAZ you both, you guys are ment to be with each other
Since both of you are so dumb enough to not tell me
Btw trash and trash can, I dont love you anymore. I would careless, but you just had to be so BAWAH YA DERAJATNYA gw skg malu bilang lo tu mantan gw
Im so happy that you are now..

SO, CONGRAZ. SEMOGA LANGGENG :)

an anxious wait

2009-11-06T07:49:00.000-08:00

Alhamdullilah hirobilalamin gw terima babak penyisihan dan lulus dan tinggal fashion show this sunday
All the support I needed came all from my mom, and I just hope i do my best and make my momma proud if I win
My family aka sisters and brothers aren't really supportive of me taking a step close to my dream, but I guess that's how all stories begin don't they?
Well lets hope everything goes as plan

Of course this is the most awaited anticipated week of the year, its where I try something out of my own and try to fit in other boxes

Today I went to pacific place to meet up with a designer for one of the shops in pacific place which is also a very close and dear friend of my sister. And has a fascinating talk about the life of being a model. I guess there is more then meets the eye, and I have so much to learn and a process to undergo. But in the end, I ENDED UP BUYING A MANGO TANKTOP AND NEW CHARLES AND KEITH SHOES BARENGAN WITH MOMMA :D

Today just made my year so much better and more confident to battle it up with next years ambitious, competitive place in STN

All right guys I just got home at 10 and im reaaaaaaly extremely tired, so good night ya'll and wish me a huugeeeeeeeee enormous luuuuuuccccckkk on sunday :D

xoxoox

MUST LISTEN!!

2009-10-29T06:10:00.000-07:00

Yes, i know some of you are still up on chris brown, but you guys have to admit. His new album is mad HOT! My recent listen would be crawl..

Everybody sees it's you
I'm the one that lost the view
Everybody says we're through
I hope you havn't said it too

So where do we go from here
With all this fear in our eyes
And where can love take us now
And we've been so far down
We can still touch the sky

If we crawl
'till we can walk again
And we'll run
Until we're strong enough to jump
And we'll fly
Until there is no end
So let's crawl...crawl....crawl
Back to love
Yeah
Back to love
Yeah

Why did I change the pace
Hearts were never meant to race
Always felt the need for space
And now I can't reach your face

So where are you standing now
Are you in the crowd of my voice
Love can't you see my hand
Lend me one more chance
We can still have it all

So we'll crawl
Till we can walk around
And we'll run
Until we're strong enough to jump
Then we'll fly
Until there is no end
So let's crawl....crawl....crawl
Back to love
Yeah
Back to love
Yeah

Everybody sees it's you
Well I never wanna lose that view

So we'll crawl
Till we can walk again
Then we'll run
Until we're strong enough to jump
Then we'll fly
Until there is no end
So let's crawl....crawl...(crawl)

So we'll crawl
Till we can walk again
Then we'll run
Until we're strong enough to jump
Then we'll fly
Until there is no end
So let's crawl....crawl...(crawl)

Back to love....

month of fuuun :D

2009-10-29T05:23:00.000-07:00

Ive been ballin' this month!

Things have been hectic since now i'm undergoing my hopes of one of my cita2, hopefully god see's how much compassion I have for it.
Ive been enjoying every single second of my time being busy and this is a once in a lifetime chance I get to say that im actually enjoy STUDYING
YES, STUDYING.

It all started when me ezra and yaya just volunteered on giving out undang's for bulcup and yaya of course took the north area, kelapa gading dan sekitar. And alhamdullilahnya we went to all the schools that we thought was possible, seriously anyone considering trying to drive with ezra THINK AGAIN. that guy is literally SLOW THINKING AND DOESN'T KNOW THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN LEFT AND RIGHT, MHUAHUUAHAH.. But loyal-ie he stayed beside me and yaya's side and became our curhat trash. But it was good to know ezra is a sensative careless piece of asshole that destroyed citra of men. Thank you ezra. In the car we weren't alone, kita ditemenin temen gw ama ezra to get us around town, so that was fun. Thank you cinta for sparing your time with us. Your contribution of stupidity made our day..Great photo too bad we took it when we were all about to faint from exhaustion

Well anywho, School is getting sooooo much tougher and I am literally ON THE RUN on my eduction. Im going here and there just to go for les and soon my staturdays are also going to be filled with INTENSIVE SIMAK. GODDAMN MY WORLD! But dont worry mama papa, Ill be the yellow jakcets soon *amiiiiiin!*

The most dissapointing thing that happened to me this week would be the lost of a loved one, Im getting used to it. But he was very meaning full to me and he just fitted right there. That empty place that I thought would take a while to fill. Karma comes and go's, oh well.. Im getting better by the day and im enjoying the whole idea of being at one. ALONE :)

I've missed the internet and of course I have missed blogging, im starting to see the whole concept of blogging now, I think ill be seeing you guys veeery soon

Fresh off the block!

2009-10-08T04:06:00.000-07:00

hey everyone!

I have finally dragged myself to use the computer, hahhaha

Its insane how lazy I'm even if I have everything already ready for me at home

Mom and pops and abang are off at umroh and Im chillin' at home with gugubi and pembantu's and my ma emi.. OHH! dont forget the pimp, pak solihin. hahhaa

You know when your parents are literally out of the country and you say you want to make a huge bash party at your place, but in the end.. end up not doing it at all? I found myself locking all the doors, even THE FRONT gate like my mom does every night just to make sure its oke. party is a total NONO!

Im sick and Im not feeling it with my boyfriend. Tomorrow is our 1 month anniversary and I have felt like being with him for 300 years. If his reading this, im sorry. I just don't think me and you can work any longer. Hey! at least we hit a month

I NEED TO STOP SHOPPING! ITS CRAZZY!

But did you all know, im actually really in it with my money now?

these pass few days

2009-10-02T08:23:00.000-07:00

Its been really peculiar lately.

Ever since my cousin slept-over the house I have not been having any good rest at all. I would sleep at 1 and wake up at 6 and start my jogging. And I would not stop this routine for like 3 days straight! And my workout on yoga has intensed. I think something is really bothering me but I just cant put my finger on it. So im not putting and frustration on it, and just letting it come as it should. I've been focusing on family time and studying and like bonding with my girlfriends and of course imuh here and there. Just need time to relax and not jump to conclusions

Nothing special lately, but have been going through a HUGE delima. But what is there for love and war without confusion and tears?

one astonishing week

2009-09-28T18:17:00.000-07:00

Its been a nice and calm week lately. I haven't been oh so crazy but i've had my fair share of fun. I hope you guys have been having that too :)

One thing i realized though, is that through anything or everything, there is always an end. or at LEAST a problem. In this case if you put too/so much effort or passion or feeling everything will just end up a big mess. And with this guy, not my so-called boyfriend right now, really showed me how impossibly destructive, heartless a boy can get. I wont call him a man, cause i basically think he isn't. When you put all of that out for that one thing you dream or of you aim for, you in the end get it one way or another. But at the end of that journey there is always 2 endings, either your happy that you got it or your depressed and you got it. And at this point in my journey, im just done. Im tired of knowing at the end of the road that ties me and him up, something is just always there. something dangling, something untrustworthy. And this also shows that men can't also be trusted. Have you ever had a feeling that something is up, something strange is up but you have no evidence to back it up, but that feelings so strong that you know your right? Exactly how I feel right now. No matter what excuse that person is going to give to me, B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T.

Its not the effort I give to the relationship that matters, its all the lies you got yourself caught up that you don't realize the person or thing you love is hurt.

A lot of things has been on my mind, but then again maybe its cause Im starting school soon. But I also need to keep in mind that I need to focus. I gotta keep my eye on the price. And its really astonishing that I have to deal with all these crappy feelings NOW when im about to head back to school. I was hoping for a at least a peaceful welcome-back sign, but all that anyones giving me is an alert-you-shall-die sign. Great. Another shitiiiiieeee week in the day of a life of dantha. Great.

J-town

2009-09-24T20:16:00.000-07:00

Im writing in black cause I don't know what color im feeling right now

Im back from detoxing myself with my family members, on my way back to jakarta I took a different way. I took the train and the bus and it showed how much people in jakara are just big assholes who complain and not realizing it WAS THEIR decision.

I went home with my older cousin yang cuma beda ber2apa bulan with me and im extremely shocked on how grown and mature he has gotten

I should spend time more with my family

Lebaran showed me how much we all gotten so apart at times, its devastating

I have been enjoying bandung to the fullest lately, maybe its cause i FINALLY WENT TO THE STORE HAPPY GO LUCKY :D

good stuff there, should've gotten their sweater.

how was everyones lebaran? best wishes from me :)

Im about to have a really LOONG AND EXHAUSTING WEEK

today I have to be at places see people talk to people, shit at people.

And im veeeeery tired already. Hoping at the end of the week I can get a quick getaway before heading back to school

speaking of school, I cant wait to see everyone :)

anywhooo I leavt J-town for only a couple of days almost a week and i found a trend alert :D

THIS IS JUST MAGNIFICENT!!! My fav this week

and not to forget my oh so hot and oh so loving..

wish come true

2009-09-13T04:59:00.000-07:00

Wishes DO come true!!!!

finally I get lounge into freedom of the swimming pool and nice calm apartments :D

It was the first time I went with the bus but it wasn't half as bad as I thought it would be

here are so photos..

man was I in peace and relaxation! ready for tomorrow yalls :D

cha china bada bing bing!

In need of self-relaxation

2009-09-12T17:51:00.000-07:00

Yesterday made me realize how much one person aka my mba does for a day, and comes to appreciate what she does in this. nontheless, MBA COME BACK HOME :'(

Me and mom spent the day yesterday doing the house chorus, it was good exercise but the pain in my hand and the cape-ness in my body was unbearable.

AND NOW I HAVE TO CLEAN MY HAMSTERS :(

seriously if this month is all about being at home and getting tired INSIDE the house, then its meaning less. ughhhhh!! tireeeeeeeeeeed..

RAMDAHAN :)

2009-09-11T00:10:00.000-07:00

Its been a hell of a while since my last post that stirred some mess up, but no matter. Its VA-CA, the only thing that can wash away my disappointments. Lately I have been hectic and crazy over exams which eventually, ALHAMDULLILAH remednya SO FAR cuma ada 2. dan agama pas2 an 70, which is kinda lame.

Well today im probably heading to abang's apartment to have buka puasa with his clients and of course ka edu, ka didi, and ka christina. But im actually considering just going there for the free food and some pool time. I have been missing some of those alone times and is die-ing for one. This year's rahmadan month, I have been going out sooo much that I forgot to stay home with family and taking care of the house. Hopefully a day or two before I mudik tanggal 17 Ill be able to help mama with the house. BTW mba rini, MY LOVELY AND KNOWS HOW TO SPEAK ENGLISH MBA MUDIK :(( AND I MISS HER LIKE CRAZY!!!

Its unbelievable what 3rd grade high school could do to your last year in high school. Im slowly watching everything I have fade away, better yet. Going through a stage of metamorphosis. And going through a 3rd one doesn't make it any easier. I wish this could go faster and with time grow into a beautiful and loving experience

By the way bloggers, have you noticed that im very much NOT SINGLE ???

ehahahaha, my stupid BF asked me out on the 9th. How cliche, ey :D

I hope when her reads this he'll be at home and smiling to himself

something to cheer everyone up, me and nyla took some photos a couple of days ago. bad park, cool photos

ching ching, bada-bing bing!

Agrovating attempt to get back on track, alone

2009-08-26T04:59:00.000-07:00

Ever had a best friend that could understand you?

feel what you feel?

act the way you know they would?

care for the things you do?

well, I HAD one

Until I found out that me and her are really different.

I started to get away from her cause I knew she started talking behind my back, did childish acts, were uncaring and unreliable.

How sad that every hope I put on her faded?

She was the one everyone knew I was close with and understood me well.

And she knew my good and bad and my up's and down's.

I felt like I had known her forever.

But I guess what you felt in the friendship wasn't what she though or respected.

Out of all of this, all I wanted was her to talk to me and ask me about it.

And wow, what a good friend. she didn't.

I bet she's reading this, and i bet she's reading everything about me.

I wouldn't believe in any shit or comments she going to make, cause i simply know the truth about what she has in her mind and i wouldn't care anymore.

The truth is slowly and dissaperingly gone.

My trust is over.

I guess sometimes the people you felt was there, just wasn't

She's prob going to call her best friend and talk about it some more and gossip about it some more and talk about it some more and gossip about it some more.

Yet again, what else is there you do other then that?

Trash talking about my negativity would probably be her cure against the truth that me and her use to be friends.

She was nice and really cool with everything. She was funny and extremely dumb, but she had feelings and was very judgmental. She had a courage and a bold one. She had feelings that no one knew.

But again, I did.

And I didnt talk about her or her negativity to anyone else, cause I RESPECTED HER TRUST AND ACTUALLY didn't want to make her look bad

And i was wrong.

friends? sure.

purple

2009-08-25T04:47:00.000-07:00

cannot believe I love purple like i do now :D

ayi my tukang jait came by and dropped my dress cause of course i couldn't fix it, huhuhuuuu

so here it is!!

what do you think :)

singapore the city of passion and depression, hahaha :)

2009-08-21T02:41:00.000-07:00

Im here in my hotel, and i'm in my room using the laptop that marriott borrowed. and yes cause my phone is a bitch, hahah..

Well Im having a great time here for the second and last night here im very much going to enjoy it. I did a little shopping remedy and going to go in a little dip in a sec, but no matter how far I go to the length of a different country I still feel like there's something wrong that I can't seem to fix or mend :(

I hate that feeling.

Irratation that burns and pains the human feeling.

MY feelings.

I have told everyone that came close to me, that I give my trust 100% to you until you destroy it and lose every single percent you can imagine. But down the road, you gain more and more experience and you make a pattern in your brain and heart of the people you trust and not. But it back tracks you when the person you came to trust a whole lot and became close tight friends, just seem to throw it down the drain. Is that person hoping we can have the same relationship? I don't know, but so far I don't have anything to tell me or convince me that it would be back as it use to. I have been backstabbed a lot, but nothing hurts more then getting backstabbed by your best friend

Guess no matter how well you know the person, everyone inside still have and has a dirty little secret. A secret other might not tolerate.

Great i'm on vaca, about to swim and all I think is this.

Last but not least, MINALAIDIN WALFAIZIN YAAA SEMUANYA :)

besok mau puasa, so I hope by this bulan rahmadan we find ourself in islam and find our way. semoga iman kita bertambah kuat.

happy puasa everyone :)

high school melt down

2009-08-14T17:55:00.000-07:00

Its crazy and hectic these pass few weeks because I have been trying to find the right uni's and taking every single step with caution. And making sure I don't lose my time doing some stupid stuff that doesn't have any reason to waste on.

I have been signed on to take my A's levels, SATS and also UNI's like UGM and Ui. jurusan hukum and i don't know how it will turn out. It irratates me that I don't have a good grip on my future and it gives me such a negative feedback. Im soooo scared and trying to best and hardest on studying but just the thought of not understanding math and physics kills me! what if I don't pass?!

Im at my lowest point, acme. What do i do?

surreal

2009-08-07T03:31:00.000-07:00

Have you ever felt being leavt behind by the people that are very close and dear to you?

well I have.

3 days straight.

And it feels like their souls are stuck to my house and my everyday routine

yes that sounds good, but it FEELS weird and not right.

I miss them like crazy and its soooooo nerve-racking to find that you were sooo emotionaly attached that you forgot that if they leavt you, a part of you also leaves

Its mesmerizing to know that through the 9 months my sister has been here, me and here made all the connections that were lost for the 3-4 years we've been apart. And the most scariest thing in my mind right now is knowing I will do the exact same thing to my little sister. I guess this is what's called family, and im very fortunate to be able to appreciate it and understand it at this age. I hope that through this stage in life, I DONT make a stupid mistake again and fail. But I realized my family has accepted me for what Im, and they seem to know something I don't. And I guess thats my next anticipation.

I love you teh, uma, jeka. And you are everything to me, and my guidance through everything. And no matter where you guys leave, know that even if i make these stupid mistakes, everything you have taught me is all within me. And I will cherish and keep everything close to my heart.

See you all in the 3 years, don't worry guys ill do great with everything you have given :)

Departures

2009-08-02T04:15:00.000-07:00

God its been long since I wrote.

Mad long yoooo :D

How is everyone doing? I hope you guy have been loving school lately

no?

Things have not been on a very friendly bases lately, and I cant stop wondering how everything that was so fine ended up so tragic. Well there's this mis-understanding issue going around, AGAIN. And Im just SOOOOOOOO OVER the whole be-on-one-side trademark now and I seriously don't want to be in this anymore. I hope tomorrow everything will be alright and in the end this whole problem can just fade away. Its not me being all wanting-to-know bullshit but I feel a little torn and responsible for what's happening. And it breaks my heart that what we have hoped never would happen, happened. I hope I didn't do anything stupid to make this whole big problem another big mess!

Well on other terms, MY BIG SISTER WHO IS IN TOTAL HAVE STAYED FOR ALMOST 8 MONTHS IS GOING BACK TO THE STATES :((

AND UMA IS LEAVING TOOOOO ON WEDNESDAY!!!!

everyone is like leaving me here to ROOOOOOOOOT!!

Im trying to get a new study-plan going on but I cant seem to get on it :/

OH BTW IF YOU GUYS DONT KNOW, REGGIE BUSH AND KIM KARDASHIAN BROKE UP :(((

sickness, illness

2009-07-16T00:13:00.000-07:00

I extremely hate those two words!

SICKNESS AND ILLNESS

And im getting em', guess from who!?

yes who else, other then my teteh!

I didn't know it was going to be that bad right, and it turns out IM sick at home and not at school havin' fun like the rest :(

But all is well since i feel way better!

SWEAT SWEAT SWEAT :D

I hope i get better like for tomorrow, CAUSE I CANT WAIT TO GO TO SCHOOL :D

WOHOOOOOOOO!

Harry potter is out now in studios, ALL MUST WATCH! Because there i just 2 more movies and its all coming to an end. huhuuuhuuu

Btw I saw this guy from popsugar.com and Im shocked I haven't seen this cute little man before, OH! and may remind you, i DONT know his name. ahhaha

losing control

2009-07-14T05:13:00.000-07:00

Well its already the second day of school and I feel like shit. I don't think Im getting good positive vibe's or aura from the people around me. which obviously is NOT a good sign :(

And Im questioning all thats happening around me right now, Don't know if its for the better of for the fact that its going to hit me real hard in the face

Well ratri and yasmine said i should always think positive as I always do and leave all the bullshit behind, But yet i don't know how Im going to do that

and of course since you all know Im like starting to ngjait and its crazy my new project would be... Im crazy and lovin' the style :D

Well I want to say HI! and congraz to this couple who's girl's tummy is getting bigger :D

school pride

2009-07-13T04:34:00.000-07:00

So today was the first day of school and it was, kindaaaa weird.

Well im not going to like comment on the teachers cause its the first day and its 3rd grade of high school, i'm just really focusing on getting out and studying really hard to get good grades.

THEY CHANGED THE MATH AND PHYSICS TEACHER WHICH MADE ME FEEL SO MUCH BETTER :D

*no offense

Well my HAMSTERS HAVE 4 KIDS NOW, WHICH MEAN I HAVE 4 GRANDCHILDREN :D

YOU DONT KNOW HOW IT FEELS TO HAVE SOMETHING TO GO BACK AND WATCH IT GROW :D

I have pay for GO and get started with the les cause i cant stand not going out and be at home and like don't understand shit.

How is everyones weekend?

I haven't been getting good dreams lately..

So my first dream was about going to a hotel in vegas with a couple of friend and jesse and jesse's like friend, and i somehow got the empty room all to myself. When i went to the window to check how it was, and wanted to go back to the bed. MY room was flooded with water, and all of a sudden in stuck in like an aquarium and everyone is watching without expression and no one was helping me. And i was stuck in it with snakes bitting me :(

The next day i dreamt that me angie and arlin and my little cousins were in the jungle and we were like playing and was supposed to go back and all of sudden it was just me and my little boy cousin lost and i took him with me and all of a sudden crocodiles came and we had to dodge them!

seriously things are getting out of hand and when i checked it turns out that when you dream about:

snakes: If the dream is, you got bitten by a living snake, that means i sccumb to evil influences and enemies will injure your business.

crocodile: means YOU ARE SURROUNDED WITH EVIL-MINDED PEOPLE.

wow really makes me look forward to days in school

In hell

2009-07-07T18:00:00.000-07:00

Well yes as it is on my tittle, coming back home is like letting myself get or put back in hell or jail.

Im home from bogor and kuningan and jawa and its been a great trip.

I had fun with my cousins, and I kinda missed that THEY ARE AS OLD AS ME AND AS CRAZY AS ME :D

So they took me around bogor and saw their little ''hangout'' place, ahahha. It was ballin'

Hopefully I'd be out of the house today headin' to bandung with my cousins again and be ballin' AGAIN :D

Cant wait bangeeeeeeeeeeeeeet nih hangin' around with them and doing crazy shit!

HARI INI PEMILIHAN PRESIDENT!!!

YOU GUYS ALL BETTER PICK SBY!!!! AYOOOOO! LANJUTKAAAAN!

p.s. I found this artist on TV and his voice is amazing! one of his songs is i love i think its called superstar. and the artist is....

vacaaaa!

2009-07-04T19:05:00.000-07:00

Vacation has been a little bitch with me!

My report cards was like the alphabet like I told you guys and now I just got back from jawa and about to leave town again. I mean its not like iam NOT going out, its just that my vacation plans were ruined :(

They cant always keep on blaming my report cards cause vacation isn't about the grades, ITS ABOUT HAVING A MONTH UNDER THE SUN!!

But i enjoyed heading out in jawa, I took some cool photo's cause apperently my new-best-friend-in-the-road would be my camera :D

here's one of my favorite pictures

Dont you just like freakin' adore that!?

Well anywhooo, I HAVE BEEN GETTING CRAZY WORKOUT SESSION'S MAN! and i cant believe that MY dreams of being in then pool for more the 2 days straight came true :D

I feel like little mermaid :DDDDD

well my sister is off at pulau macan my dad's in singapore and im about to get out of the house to do a little shopping with my little siblings..

Ill keep you guys updated

CHING CHING PAPARAZI BLING BLING!!

vacation

2009-06-26T17:29:00.000-07:00

Well hey, the report card is here! And its like the alphabet

I dont know how the hell i could've gotten an alphabet, and its crazy in the house now!

D and an E is like a falling grade..

Well I cant blame pak sapto, its good enough his giving me a D. In his classes i deserve an F

but pak emir, seriously that dude doesnt even come in! Like what up with that and blaming me not coming into his classes..

That guy NEEDS a reality check!

Well one of my teachers got married last sunday,

CONGRATULATIONS PAK PRAS :D

hope you enjoy the first day and the beginning of the rest of your life with that person!

best of luck

Well that just means Im a.....

AGIT :D

damn! it feels like just yesterday I was those UTAS and like being all scared to get out of the class.

But I cant wait!

I WONT be mean and start like hitting people, but all I would probably do is make them buy me pulsa!

ahuahuhuahahuha

yes, everyone knows my phone never has credit. So now with 12th grade coming in, wohooooooooo!

Well today would be the first day of my summer outings, and also be the last post for this month.

Moms taking us all out as a fam, I don't know what she thinks she's giving us but hopefully it turns out okay

I hope all of you have a great summer vacation! And enjoy it to the full-ist

As to BRUZEL-BEZANIKA:

YOOOOOO! UDA AGIT YOOOOOOOOOOOO :D

dreadful night

2009-06-22T22:54:00.000-07:00

Well I was crying all night, last night

And yes we all know why

Im not saying Im proud it happened, but yaaa well it did

My eyes are soooooooo puffy right now, and this morning my sister had her fashion show

Crazy eyes made me so hard to put on m contacts lenses!

I want to get out of the house, and my big picture iam trying to put out is, I CANT STAND TERLALU DIKENGKENG!

if they keep on doing this the more Im going to get angry and upset

Well we'll see how things go

My trip to china has been canceled ONCE AGAIN :(

I need a break from a family that thinks they know me REALLY WELL..

Why cant they just stop and LEARN ABOUT ME FROM THE BEGINNING!?

Park=a good soothing place

2009-06-22T04:03:00.000-07:00

Well I had a pretty good and quite day today

I had breakfast, the best apple pie i can get at 8 in the morning :)

And a park that was very cozy and relaxing

I had a little company for a short time and he made me think about my mistakes and realize that it isn't as easy as that.

He only stayed for a quite while, but his words and reasuring stayed

Namesake is the name of the book that my brother gave me

Its a about a kid that lost his true color or devotion or love to his culture

And how he deals with it

oke, straight down that is soooooo what iam going through!

And the book is going great

Hoping to get out of the house again, CAUSE IAM ABOUT TO KILL MYSELF IF TOMORROW IAM STILL AT HOME :(

I want to swim or jog somewhere so i can take all the bullshit out

Which i know no one would let me, but hey its worth trying

victoria secrets summer collection!

2009-06-20T07:21:00.000-07:00

what i want this summer

2009-06-20T02:29:00.000-07:00

not feeling too good

2009-06-20T01:51:00.000-07:00

I have not been feeling good lately since this morning..

My sickness is coming back and its barbaric!

My mind and body is going loco..

ughhhhhhhhhh!!

I just want to get out and swim or like do something like run or tennis..

Just to break this wholeeeee thing out of my mind..

Well I had this ridiculous fight with my mom today and Im not liking it at all..

I think thats where I got the headache, cause of holding all that feelings in

Well now I cant eat or rest

Im wanting to get out my house but I really want to go to my bro's place ONLY!

Im seriously not taking the report card thing any serious anymore with the fight that i just had from my mama

and I really don't care what kinda of fight she going to pick up

But hopefully that i get to go to china and like get away from her and my family for awhile..

I'd be nice to see vanilla, my chinese BF, again :(

GOD i miss her!

I wish you guys all a good holiday, and lets just hope Im not grounded FOREVER

Stinky week, I smell the coming on KARMA!

2009-06-18T17:50:00.000-07:00

Seriously Im in the blues right now..

I've been thinking of soooo many stuff its crazy!

I don't know what to accept right now, either Im getting my karma BAD or Im just having it all inside my head..

Ohhhh, btw I took the kepribadian test with ryan and it went pretty good. not that bad..

Back to topic. And now I don't know what to do in this situation because I put myself or made my self emotionaly attached with the person :/

Thats why I try to NEVER EVER fall in love with someone, because you know that every single guy is capable and WILL END UP breakin your heart up for some other bitch at you know very well your better then..

ughhhhhhhhhh! I don't like thinking, cause that just makes me play by the rules and actually thinking about someone's feelings other then mines!!!!!!

Good morning jakarta :)

2009-06-16T17:29:00.000-07:00

So its been really weird lately, these past few days. I felt like I was being exam'd and I am in this little box where everyone can see my little do's and flaws. I dont like the attention Im getting even if i would like to be the eye of everything. And it freaks me the hell out!

I wonder whats going to happen next.

Well all I know right now is hopefully that in my report card their is at least 2 A+ or 1 B.. Need serious need of those A and B's :(

Keep making the usual mistakes, and its insane. And especially when you think its for a good cause but it just ends up as living hell! ughhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!

My insecurity's are very high up these days and Im very great full. I get to see the downside of being the girl that take's nothing but give's everything.. I wonder what my ex would say about this.. hummmmmmmm

congratulations

2009-06-16T16:56:00.000-07:00

Michael cera has released a new movie :D

starstruck!

2009-06-15T04:47:00.001-07:00

seriously I was just stunned with this one! really lovely and she had it just right

But a congratulations in honor! Cause my favorite lady has just revealed her BABY BUMP.. WIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!

report cards

2009-06-15T04:23:00.000-07:00

I just woke up from one of the most worst afternoon sleeps EVER!!!

I mean seriously all this school shit is, FUCKED MAN!

ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!

Well besides that yesterday I was watching 17 again, the one with the Zac Efron in it and Im like wow! your hot.. I always though he was GAY. This would be my favorite piece of him, his a lot more grown up and maturing in his acting skills.

He has grown up into something huh?! damn, he was soooooooo irresistible in that movie! cant wait for another :D

Other then that, I went shopping with my black pork today at blok M square and had TONS of fun. They werent half that bad either. The quality was pretty good and the designs are like the one's in mangga dua.. didnt even waste more then 100ribu! shop shop shop :D

Brunch in SoHo and late movies

2009-06-13T18:06:00.000-07:00

So since all of you know I am grounded, I was out with my sisters yesterday and had brunch at SoHo Grand indonesia. It was a cool saturday we had fun and talked a lot. We went around GI and checked out some cool places and wanting some really awesome clothes. But before I put them up, I want to say

HAPPY 17'TH BIRTHDAY BASH AND 17TH BIRTHDAY TO MAYA AND TIKA BULE :D

I wish you guys a forever happy and loving days to come

Well back on track, Im going cooo coooo on Topshop right now! its crazy their bikini is awesome and cost less then ripcurl, not to mention their bags are amazing! I need dad back ASAP

I dont know if its just me but it looked GOOOOOOD on me :(

starstruck!

2009-06-12T08:34:00.000-07:00

just classy

loving pastry

2009-06-12T01:19:00.000-07:00

Pastry angela and vanessa simmons line

starstruck

2009-06-12T00:42:00.001-07:00

really loving them both

Different child, different approach

2009-06-11T04:36:00.000-07:00

My parents have 5 children. Thats a lot for a normal married couple of almost 30 years. And Im not implying they don't know how to raise me, no don't get me wrong. I think their the best a parent can get, and besides the fact that they already raised 3 before me.

And I feel kinda sorry, for letting them raise me. I mean I am the most spoiled most ab-noxious greedy, egoistic, self centered daughter anyone can get. But Im glad through all of that I bloomed into someone very liberal and understanding to other peoples feeling :) people say i got it from my dad..

But thats not the issue right now. The issue right now, would probably be how parents always seem to make every single kid the same.

isn't that like supposed to be a problem? And I wonder how people like B'jork, Amy winehouse could stand out.

I don't know if Im the only child that seems to have a problem but its like Im treated and look to as my brothers and sisters. Look I know I am not the brightest and Im not the best, but wouldn't you guys like to see the other part of me that would make you feel happy and proud? And it feels like shit when you realize you try your best just to know that in the end, its all not worth it.

Maybe cause iam grounded all my supress-anger is all built up and everything around me just seems unfair. But now I seem to realize that silencs is gold. And through all of that fighting is really NOT the answer..

swimwear for this summers outting :D

2009-06-10T03:03:00.000-07:00

MUST HAVE!!!!!!!!!

DADS BIRTHDAY SURPRISE :)

2009-06-10T00:31:00.000-07:00

DADS LOVELY BIRTHDAY SURPRISE WAS A SUCCESS :D

Iam sorry that i have not been writing too much lately the pass week because of dads birthday surprise and of course my exams and all the fucked up drama! But its been really good lately and I have been putting things in balance and extremely happy of myself and proud of course of what I have done, even if its not something Iam proud of. guess

SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO DO SOMETHING BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO, NOT BECAUSE YOU WANT TO

Besides dads birthday, I had my exams this pass week. And i had put all my time and effort! crazy-crazy little shit and PKN the WHOLE CLASS had to take remedials. ughhhhhhhhhhh.. Other then that, since you all know my promise about changing myself because of all the grounding I have had. I am proud to say i have done some off theeee above :) Challenging myself has never been so fun!

I had gogirl! magazine since like the first time it came out, and iam like CRAZY over it.. maybe cause this time its actually good!

notes to remebere:

MUST check agnes's monic's dance course's
pay GO before kelas 3
make the scrapbook!
photoshoot and gogirl! hunt

All right yall's! I gotta bounce :D

KISS KISS BANG BANG!!

UAS!!!!

2009-06-01T07:30:00.000-07:00

EXAMS ARE A BITCH!!!!!!

Yes as you can see, IAM STILL GROUNDED!

and I'm sick :(

fuck banget deh, been having a long week and its UAS WEEK! wish me luck guys, cause it gonna be one hell of a week..

well at least i got new JADE jeans and some new flat ZARA shoes! guess grounded sessions aren't half that bad :)

I've been sick and i cant get out of bed, my head hurts and my stomach is really not being friendly with the situation and i have a zillion things running through my mind right now.. UGHHHHHH!! ubeeeeer stressed out! anyone?!

I cant lie, i have been feeling a little bit dissapointed with someone I thought knew well.. guess I was wrong. I quite understood and I guess went through what you so called friendship and i guess my sister was right, their is no such thing as a TRUE friendship. Had enough of my fair share for the month, I just wanna get the exams done and get school over with!

REALISING THAT THEIR IS NO ONE ELSE THERE BUT YOU.

Is probably something I learned the hard way, but hey!

If you dont go through it, you'll never know.

all right, enough of as it is..

SKIT SKIT BANG BANG HOMZIIIIEEEE!

The life on the other side is always and will always be better

2009-05-23T01:25:00.000-07:00

"Grass is always greener on the other side"

I've been writing in very dark colors lately, maybe cause my mood would be better or should be better then this.

I've been thinking and maybe I was always right with my intentions and feelings.

Im the type of girl that always falls in the same hole she feel before and keeps doing so until she's tired and then corrects herself. And right now, as you read this you might've thought that I am either stupid, pathetic, lame, irresponsible, and tiring. And yes your guess is right

My yesterdays talk with my sister and mother, really got me. Maybe this time I am wrong.

Hard to admit for someone like dantha. And maybe this time I should start changing. Weird part is, I'm willing to do anything BUT change

Instead I have decide NOT to change BUT to do as they say.

shocked?

I've been wrong in everyones eyes, and i'm tired of trying to change myself for people that are never going to be happy with anything i do. So maybe this time I should try to just shut up and let ego this time chill for a sec

well i guess their is change, but change in the way I think about everyone and the way I should behave. Kinda scared of the challange I put myself this time because this time its a risky behavior and I have never tried it. So lets see how far i can go with being:

1. having a distance with EVERYONE

2. keep my thoughts and feelings to myself

3. TRUST no one

4. cut the crap and care less for bullshit

5. Do WHAT I WANT, without ANYONE stopping me

I hope this works

Trust

2009-05-20T18:09:00.000-07:00

Trust is a real big word.

Trust is something you know you can put all your hopes apon. And you know that by all the chance he or she or it doesn't fail you and has your interest best at heart.

I think yesterday I could or may have seen a GLIMPSE of that so called trust.

I personally think trust the base of every foundation of every relationship.I know that I have crushed my family's, but hey I know I can always get it back.

What I dont except or come to think came through was that I needed to be treated differently then my sisters and brother.

IM veeeeeeeeery different. And everyone knows that.

So yesterday I went out with imuh to pim and met my boyfriend. Which by now, everyone HATES.

His a bad guy, no. I dont know, but the people that are more older do.

I'm the type of person who would see it first and then believe it.

And I personally haven't see it.

And you know what that equaled to?

GROUNDED FOR A MONTH WITH NO MONEY, NO SHOPPING AND NO WAY OUT OF AFTER SCHOOL PARTIES.

People or teenagers that might have gone through what I went through might introspek themselves and think what they went wrong.

I KNOW WHAT I DID WRONG.

And personally for me this is something I should change MYSELF to other people.

And I must admit, it was my fault because i was:

1. selfish

2. wants to win

3. Do or say things without thinking twice

4. Does not give back what should be given back

Iam sorry to say my life lesson here would be:

1. I WILL NEVER EVER EVER AND EVER will trust ANYONE

2. I will LEARN to understand other peoples feelings MORE

3. Iam going to have to learn how to keep a distance with my family

4. I will LEARN how to or what I should tell him

5. And I should play with rules

It really weird, but what happened to me yesterday night really changed me into something I have never ever though I was.

MitoHardjo

2009-05-11T08:54:00.000-07:00

This post is dedicated to my sister that's in the hospital :)

The hospital wasn't really half that bad, it was an army hospital located in sudirman. Which i may add, I never knew their was one there. It looks really small from the outside, but once your inside tis like BAM!

The people wasn't all that bad either like the ones you see on television, we actually be-friend the nurse to give my sister good food :D

ohhhhhh, what made me stay soooooooooooooooooooooo long and didn't complain was the view of the hospital from my sisters room. It wasn't the best view i've seen, and their were alot of towers but the sky blew me away. The color it makes when you wake up early in the morning and when your about to close the curtains for the day, its really nice and warming.

I was admiring the sky and its personality. How it could be as independent flying from one place to the other and going through different situations and be soo untouched, somehow UNCHANGEABLE.

I hope all of you are ready to start the long week vacation, while i'm going to get a good night rest saving my energy for this weeks up-coming drama.

I'm a bounce! Chaaaboom!

Get well soon teeeeh :)

2009-05-09T18:02:00.000-07:00

Get well soon teh, and as soon as you get out we can go shopping :D

Well today until tomorrow is going to be full of visit's to the hospital, and ill senayan probably. and hopefully I get money out of this*dad if you read this please understand.. I WANT MONEYY!!!!

I was checking out some stuff online and I am falling in love with KATE MOSS's collection for topshop! I think she very smart for someone who's been in the papers lately.

And i found some skirts that iam willing to die for :D

I cant get enough of topshop, oh and cant leave the shop without wanting this

well its 8:37 and iam going to have to bounce!

My WEEK

2009-05-08T01:35:00.000-07:00

Okay, this week has been the most weirdest and retarted week of the year.

I had not just 1, but wait ... 2 bitch fights which required energy of the brain rather then my hand.

I had no idea what was coming and i swore I had everything in the right way.

Well one happened to someone I happen to deal with every single day. It turned out everything was a lessoned learn for everyone, but IT the problem, really got me thinking of how I should've learned more and dealt with people and their personalities. I think everyone knows by now, that friendship isn't about talking behind their back, but really about dealing with one another's differences. But I really found out it, ones your close to someone you come to realize that, that person you came close is your worst enemy. It hits you straight and hard. But it all comes down to you, do you need these people to survive? Or is it you that need other peoples attention, cause you lost to the greatest enemy, YOU?

The other problem has not been settled down yet, but I hope the truth will come out soon. DONT ever deny your own feelings, because the most important thing in this game of backstabbing and friendship and lies, IS YOU.

uneven grounds

2009-05-02T08:56:00.000-07:00

UNEVEN GROUNDS

This is my first post and it seems so weird.

I wanted to try and do this little thing called blog and wanted to see how things would work out. I'm hoping that this blog can be mostly about everything thats going through my mind.

So for starters i'd prob just tell you about my day. So today we ate out with grandpa and i went out to citos and hanged out with a couple of buddies. nothing special but the whole day was crazy and funny.

I guess thats all for tonight, its getting late and MY INSOMNIA'S BACK.

p.s. My life is a piece of shit, so when you do read this don't comment anything predictable cause guess what, IT IS!